Technically, Black Friday starts tomorrow. In reality, it started at about 6 pm today, Thanksgiving, which is about as perverted a thing as stocking store shelves with Christmas stuff in October.
Perverted or not, my husband and I hit the streets of Richmond, IN, at around 8 pm, not to go Christmas shopping but to get really important stuff like chips and salsa, a belt to hold up my pants, a birthday card for our 7-year-old niece and a mouth guard for me (I left my dentist-approved night guard at home, so I’ve been gnashing my teeth to nubs since we’ve been here). We went to the coolest gig in town — Wal-Mart — to gather all these necessities, and the first clue that something was terribly wrong was the fact that every spot in their 6-mile parking lot was taken. Every spot. And people were prowling the aisles like lionesses looking for something to kill.
When we went into the store, the gong of weirdness started clanging even louder, as we encountered heaps of power tools in the cosmetics aisle, a mountain of PS3s in the wine and spirits section, and swarms of people pawing over Hanes sweat shirts in the seasonal aisle. Yellow “do not cross” tape sectioned the store into no-pass zones and alleys of deep confusion. I’m still not sure of the rationale behind the tape placement or the clumps of Wal-Mart personnel wielding walkie-talkies and fierce artificial smiles. And since this was Richmond — populated by the salt of the Earth, many of whom have mullets and missing teeth — there were groupings of people who looked braced for a brawl over the portable DVD players stacked in the women’s underwear aisle
Taped to these raw bundles of merchandise were signs that said “Sale price in effect at 10 p.m.” Or 10:30 pm. Or midnight. I suppose the point was to stagger the rush, prevent a stampede, baffle the masses. It did not, however, seem to faze customers who had come out to stand guard over the goods and glower at all of us who walked past, clutching our shampoos and tortilla chips defensively.
I’m not sure when shopping for bargains became more important than celebrating our blessings. I used to think it was pretty hateful to get up at 7 a.m. after Thanksgiving just to make a run on the stores. As the times get more and more bleak, retailers are sucking more and more joy out of our holidays in an effort to make a buck. And if we don’t spend enough — whatever that is, or if there ever IS such a thing as enough — then we’ve somehow failed the entire American economy. Really I think the American economy is what has failed, not me.
Because if I spend $100 before midnight at BestBuy.com, I can get a $40 gift card to spend any way I want. That’s a win-win, right?
I wonder how many “occupiers” left their posts to be in line for Black Thursday, Friday, the weekend?
Well I don’t think there were any in Richmond
Ah, lovely Richmond, Indiana – what the heck were you doing there? I’ve been in and through Richmond a number of times – my mom grew up in a tiny town south of there called Liberty and we drove through Richmond on our way there. I feel your pain. I was in Houston, Texas as it happened – but mercifully not at a WalMart.
Husband’s family lives there. In fact husband grew up there. Funny about Liberty: My brother in law, for reasons still unclear to me, had to go to Liberty to pick up a tire a friend of his had left “in a back alley” somewhere. Still not sure what that’s all about. You speak of Houston as if it was not a glorious vacation spot?
That third paragraph is perfect writing. I had to go back and read it again, and liked it even more the second time.
Hi! I came over here from your husband’s blog, which I discovered a few months ago. He’d mentioned you in a post, and I’m so glad I stopped by!
And how cool is it that you both have blogs?
This post was hilarious, and made me so grateful that the holidays are over. The very concept of Thanksgiving is now marred by the blatant almost mandatory consumerism that lands smack dab on Black Friday.
You had me at, “to get really important stuff like chips and salsa.” Next time, just send your husband! That’s what I do.
So glad you came by. Yes, Kevin and I both have blogs but he’s much more faithful than I am about keeping up with his. Plus he does real research on has, whereas I mostly rely on my own angst and misanthropy for mine. Thanks again for reading my musings.